Tuesday, June 5, 2007
EMERGE!
Emerge 2007 has finally come to an end but I must say that this year's emerge conference has been the best one yet. Yea thats right, it just gets better and better year after year. Although I feel that this year may not be as hyped up as the previous years, but I like what pastor said, its not just about the hype, its about the anointing!Pastor has been focusing on the power of brokeness during this period and God has been working in my life especially in that area. ahh yes, its the whole uni applications thing again. It may not seem to be affecting me much on the outside, but its a very huge blow to me actually, especially to someone who always thought she would get into uni somehow or rather. Saying the wrong thing to me might just cause something inside me to snap. Which was exactly what happened on thursday...I'm so so sorry about that... But come to think about it, it all boils down to my pride. Its the big I word in me. I couldnt stand the thought of having to face all my relatives and telling them that I couldnt get into any uni. I couldnt bear telling people that I was rejected. And i noe everyone is so gonna ask me exactly that question... argh..
I really thank God for this emerge conference because I dunno how i would have survived the last few days without it. God has been my constant strength during this period and has been speaking to me a lot thru Pastor Kong. Seeing how Shamgar pressed on despite the odds being 600 to 1, trusting in God despite his circumstances. And how Jacob wrestled with God and refused to let go until he was blessed by God which ultimately made him walk with a limp for the rest of his life, but yet it was worth it, because he will always remember to lean on God's strength and not fight for everything on his own. It must have been a painful experience for him just as it is now for me, but yet it has given me a greater spiritual hunger for God in my life. haha i dunwan to sound "holy" or anything, but really, this experience has helped me to go up a new level in my walk with God and I do thank him for it. If I had gotten everything so easily, I may not have been as desperate for him to move in my life and my testimony would not have been as impactful.
But the highlight of the whole emerge was on saturday night! I believe all who were there that night felt the tangible presence of God, and for those who were not there... ahhh!!!!
Anyway that night, the presence of God was so strong that I believe even the new friends were touched. But more than that, God spoke to me that night. Okay let me backtrack abit first...
Actually on thursday night... I was just telling ade that I dunno if my faith is strong enuff to take another blow, another set back, if my appeal was unsuccessful... I cant imagine what would happen if I'm ultimately not accepted into NUS fass after all, and end up having to go to poly?? I had never ever thot I would end up having to go to poly or anywhere else like overseas to study or NAFA or whatever. What am I going to do if my appeal was unsucessful? I had nv tot of a back up plan... Am i really going to work for one whole year?
But on sat night, Pastor spoke about love. About Simon Peter's love for Jesus. Three times, Jesus asked him:"do you love me"... And each time, Peter said "yes. you know I love you" But the love Jesus was refering to was the Agape love, love inspite of, sacrificial love. But, Peter had only Phileo (brotherly love) for Jesus and yet he spoke with such confidence. (Just like how he had said he would never betray Jesus. but in the end denied Christ 3 times!) It was only after the third time Jesus asked Peter "do you love me" that caused something inside Peter to snap.The Bible says Peter was hurt. Finally Peter realise what Jesus was saying and he loved Jesus so much he was ultimately crucified on the cross, upside down. He was willing to be crucified because of his love for Jesus.
That was when he asked me... Do i love him?? What if his plan for me was to go to School of Theology first, before I carry on with my uni studies. Why not spend a year to be equiped with the word of God before I penetrate my marketplace. Now u must understand that SOT has never ever crossed my mind before. Friends who know me.. will know that I'm so not that kind.. hahaa oops... but that night for the first time ever I struggled with that thought. I really did not know if my faith was strong enuff. What would my friends and relatives say? Was I even ready for it? I mean in terms of my spiritual maturity..But yet, like Peter, I wanted to tell Jesus that I do love him... the question lies in just how much..
To cut short everything, I did find the peace of God in the end, and I have decided that even if my appeal is unsucessful, hahaa i wun backslide la. hahhaa. and ya I would be seriously considering SOT. Have spoken to my parents and they are willing to support me... hahaa. So in the meantime, do contd to pray for God's will to be done in my life.
hahaha last but not least THANKS TO ALL WHO HELPED ME IN MY APPEAL~
ade yq charles wendy and zoe! ahhh i'm ever so grateful. and to the rest of you, thanks for all your prayers! I love all of u!
with lots of love,
jme
i posted this at 5:03 PM
and i have received 2 comments.
Dear Jamie,
It's awesome to know that God has touched and spoken to you in such a powerful way. God can speak the same way to hundreds of people, but only the courageous, the bold in spirit, will acknowledge and receive the WOG in this matter.
I totally understand what you are going through, having been a straight As student all my life and having to face shocking A Level results too. Yes, the degree is really more than a piece of paper.
On my part, I really applaud you for your courage to face up to it, and to be a fighter and to do whatever it takes to try to get in. It's an inspiration and encouragement to me to hear of your faith, and I want to let you know we're so proud of you, that you are an 'in-spite-of' person.
Keep fighting the fight of faith, because the path of the righteous will always be directed by God. All things will work out for you in the end, because of you love for God.
Cheers,
Zoe
By 
zoe, at
June 6, 2007 at 12:06 AM
Hey Jamie,
Thanks for sharing and being transparent. :)
I know that the plans that God has for you plans to prosper and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.
Poly should never be in your mind. You've successfully gotten yr 'A' Levels and I feel u should move forward. If the local unis don't work out, u can always consider private university like SIM. You can even take specialised Marketing degrees from private instituitions like KPLAN and MDIS which u can complete in less than 3 years and still have time to go for SOT during it. Either way, you'll get a degree. I dunno if I am a good example of that but I just want you to know that thousands of people who have not gotten into local universities have succeeded in life. So don't ever think that it is the end of the road becos it's not. God will bless you. :)
Meanwhile, be "anxious for nothing alright"? God is never late nor early. =)
By 
, at
June 7, 2007 at 12:47 AM